One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
