What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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