i would punch a child for taco bell
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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