Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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