Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
