Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
