Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
