In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
