Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
