wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize