they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
