to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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