found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
