If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
