Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
