Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
