His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
