I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
