fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
