I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
