at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My penis needs a shock collar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
