I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
