I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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