well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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