ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize