So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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