I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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