her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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