Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
