im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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