margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
