hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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