I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
