I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Shame is for Republicans.
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