legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
