We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
