I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
