i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
