I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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