Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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