I'm gonna have a badass scar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
