dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
