He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
