I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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