I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A bitchslap is in order.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
