I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
