so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
