She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
