how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
