Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
