I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize