so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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