he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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