just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i think i just lost a toe
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
