Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
