i can't believe i had my finger in that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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