I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
