I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
