I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
