Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize