shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
