Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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