A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
