You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
