paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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