The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
