we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
