I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
