Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
