puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
