During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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