This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
