...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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