sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
