just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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