dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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