there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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