Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
