if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
