Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
