He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
