I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
