I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
