Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
