Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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