I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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