Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
