i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
