3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Couch. On fire.
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