its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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