Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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