I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
