he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
