If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
