I want to stick my p in your. b.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
