i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
