Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize