i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
