dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
