So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
