you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
