Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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