my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
