Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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