he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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