No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
