The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
