And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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