did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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