her vagine was all disorganized.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
