I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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