I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
