bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize